10 Dumb Things I Did To Get Laid (which did not work.)

10 Different Girls.
10 Different Strikeouts.

1. Helped a girl that I barely knew, move her upright, arcade-style Pac-Man machine down three flights of stairs, into a truck, driven to a new apartment and up one flight of stairs.

2. Sang the harmony part of Extreme's "More Than Words" multiple times for church youth program meetings, wearing what was considered a "cool" outfit at the time.

3. Drove back to her host families house, after the pool party was over, waited in her yard, per her instructions. Eventually had to make a mad dash for my car, when I realized that her "host dad" had released the twin pair of homicidal Doberman Pinchers for the night, to patrol their property. The next day, she flew back to Sweden.

4. Attended a week-long church camp in Destin, FL in high school. I didn't find a girlfriend, but my roommate found the Lord and there was a lot of crying that week.

5. Sat, freezing, in the back of my first car, while the cast party raged on inside, listening to a girl who was nicknamed "The Mouse" talk about how much she hated her mother and cry sporadically.

6. Pretended to care about her horses.

7. Pretended to care about the FBI and Serial Killers.

8. Walked a man-sized Great Dane for one month, picking up dog turds larger that I could produce on those walks and pretending to care about Elvis much more than I actually did.

9. Attended more college dance concerts than any heterosexual man would ever willingly attend.

10. Attended and played in a live action vampire role-playing game at a sci-fi/ horror convention, in a shabby, forgotten convention hotel in the back-hills of Western Kentucky.